the feeling suck.

i terribly need some air to breathe. some space and some moments of my own.

i dun seem to be able to take it anymore.

its 43 more days frm now. now as in 9 march. yes its coming. but the excitement is now being pushed way down cuz of work and so much other unknown stress. dere will be an event tat last till 21st. and i stil dun dare to ask for off on friday. =/

perhaps i shud try whn april itself comes. its stil early now.

its really hard to get sources of clients. hard to get them to listen to me for more den 1 min. hard to get them to repeat their email address or spelling of their names. hardest to converse in mandarin. i juz hv to plainly admit my chinese is gg down the drain. all the efforts of my chi teacher.. frm pri 1 to sec 4.. are wasted. evn my grandma's; all gone with the wind.

i miss ktv sessions wif retard. i miss the short moments of fun wif those frm sp.

i miss the way keon, weilin and schizo joke abt those banglahs.

i miss the happy times wif my frds. i miss swan badly, the way she is always so sweet as a fren, the way she wil always get M&Ms, eat all the blue ones n feed me the red ones, juz to cheer me up. clover. the ones who nv leave my mind. i so miss them. i juz wish to hv more chances to sit down wif them. to luff our hearts out. to be really carefree and happy.

im feeling all so emo now.

i feel strangled i have no reason to it.

i wish to cry out loud now. so loud tat everyone in my neighbourhood can hear.

but nth seem to come out of me.

im feeling empty all of a sudden.

i juz nid a break badly.

all the memories swam back to me juz in tat split second. and it hurts so badly. maybe its not hurt, but its sth tat pierce thru my heart. sth til tdy i cant understand why it happened tat way. sth tat was really a waste. sth i thot tat wud last this round, forever, but i was proven again wrong. it was all fate. went rounds and rounds for 3 years and it stopped abruptly with sth least expected. it came like a car bang. things happen aft tat. more and more pain is inflicted in my life. those i cant erase away, or at least not easily. i wonder few years down the road, wil u and i turn back and regret our lil actions, or the trivial quarrels we had endlessly. i looked back and saw so much of my flaws. im no wher near to perfection i noe but all i noe was tat i once loved you. i once loved u so much i wanted to giv everything of me to you. but it came to nothing.

it came, stayed, went off for awhile, came back to me again, but did not really stay.

the details hurt. so hard but true, i cant run away. dere's no where in this earth i can run to and forget abt all these incidents and memories.

den again, its all the past. wat's left are the memories. the feelings are no longer the same. the impact of your reason was a hard hit. everything changed overnight.

now u lead yr own life, while i have mine. all this above is juz a reminder tat nothing comes easy. especially love. i do sincerely wish u all the best, and hope tat u can fulfil yr dreams. those wild and big dreams of yours. and i wish tat u can find the right 1 for u. the one who can love u better.

i dun wan to turn back and feel the same kind of pain over and over again. i hope this can end my sorrows.

and as for you* who came into the picture for a short moment recently..the rubberduckie who always rawr, who always manage to cheer me up in a way or rather, the one who says im cute and says tat his definition of cute is not the typical meaning. u rock my world, but juz for a moment. in juz awhile, everything was back to square 1. u make me look back and think abt things tat happened. those incidents durin the period of time. u make me think further of wat i wan in a relationship. ever since u came into the picture, i took on a different view towards relationships. ive changed. and im stil changing in certain areas. i do appreciate the short memories we share. be it the good or bad tat comes after, i guess dere's sth to be learnt for you and me. ive learnt my share. i blif u did too. i enjoyed the times we shared, the way u cared. tho certain things were said but can nv come true anymore again, i guess its juz part of the beautiful picture in the past. the special chemistry has long gone, and i juz wish to cherish our friendship. i hope u too will cherish this friendship we share too. wateva tat happened before, wil al b placed behind and i dun actually allow any other matters to affect our friendship. i hope u will do the same too. i do wish tat we can keep the friendship. and above all, i wan to wish u and daph the best. love her with all tat u can and be more understanding to her needs. afterall, a girl is stil a girl. rem: love conquers all. (:

at the end of the day, im still me. i thank God i have clover, and our dance crew.

Clover really make my life different. without them, i dunno how im gonna deal wif my problems, sorrows and everything else in life. these girls do make a difference in my life. a BIG difference.

my darlings of clover, i juz wanna cherish everything tat we share. the memories and the good times we had. there wil be more to come and make sure yr brains have abundunt space for our memories to be stored! if one day im gone, do noe tat u girls rock my life, painted my life with colours, stayed by me whn i fall, whn i was rejected and ive nv given up on u girls. i blif tat each of u can achieve yr dreams and tat u girls are all capable of being the best! i love u girls to the tiniest bits and this love wil nvr die evn whn i die! MUACKX!

as for the dance crew, im specifically talkin abt a few of them. ppl like emi and shir. u girls are so sweet. im sorry i always hv to leave early, cuz i dun hv much of a choice. i noe evn aft april, my family's not gonna let me stay out late often cuz they wil worry i get into trouble again, but at least wil not leave as early as 9pm.. thank you for always bearin with me.. whn i cant understand the steps or whn i juz cant seem to rem. thank you for tolerating with me. im tryin my best. and i will cont to try evn harder de. (:

tat's all for now. a rather long post alrd actually. the rest, read it elsewhere if u noe some other blogs tat i do write in. if not too bad.

a goodbye to the past.

a hi to the future.

im embracing the present, standing firmly and ready for the upcoming.

regrets is just something tat eats away the limited time we have this lifetime.

choose the path of learning to regrets and it makes u wiser. - sii

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